Good music from the band Blame Ringo. But even better is the video showing a time lapse of all the people who stop to have their picture taken at the famous Abbey Road pedestrian crosswalk. The song is called Garble Arch (A Day in the Life of Abbey Road).
There are too many potential toes that I could step on to write anything very funny about these videos. I couldn’t even pick a good picture to go with this post. So I’ll just give you a quick explanation and let you watch them and laugh until your brains explode.
Chuck Knipp is a white drag queen from Kentucky. His most famous character is a black woman from the deep South. Her name is Shirley Q. Liquor. Some people find the character offensive. I find their offense condescending. If you think this is the same as a minstrel show, you are ridiculous.
There aren’t many good videos of Shirley on the internet, but several people have made fan-vids of her work. Here are a few of my favorites:
Ebonics Airways … Different than the not-very-funny In Living Color sketch.
Hamsters … Best lip sync ever. In addition to having a dozen more clips like this, this guy has a really interesting and informative video on gays in the military. If someone knows whether or not this policy still stands, let me know.
Okay, you’re not ridiculous if you find it offensive, but I strongly disagree. If you do find it offensive, I’d love to hear why.
There are some things that can never leave your brain. Once you’ve seen them or heard them or smelled them they will forever be on the tip of your cerebral cortex just waiting to come bounding back into your memory.
Some of these things are good and happy: the first time you saw a unicorn, the smell of napalm in the morning, the sounds of silence. Happy is the day when those sense-memories are triggered, leaving you with an inexplicable understanding that everything in the world is right and good.
Then there are horrible things that get stuck in your brain and will never, ever, ever leave. Images like this. And sounds like the scream of the woman in the first video I have for you today.
These videos are from the Workplace Safety & Insurance Board of Canada. Canadians are demented. It must be the cold. And the wild Eskimos.
Finally, here’s a sex-ed video from Canada. The last 8 seconds are better than any sex-ed commercial you’ll ever see in America or probably anywhere else in the world.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that the measure of a father is his ability to make lunches for his kids in the morning. My dad did it for me; his dad did it for him; I will do it for my kids someday. This is the way of fatherhood.
Another well-established fact is this: in elementary school the only thing that matters is having an awesome lunch box. When I was growing up I had a great GI Joe lunch box. Unfortunately it was offset by the fact that I had a white-boy spiky flat-top with a huge cowlick that turned it into some hollow Vanilla Ice-looking hairdo. There’s no recovering from that. Anyway, what if you could have an awesome lunch box custom made for you every single day?
Enter Lunch Bag Art. This is the photo blog of a dad who draws awesome things on his kids’ lunch bags every day. That’s it. Just pictures of cool lunch bags. It’s enough to get me wasting about twenty minutes, which is all I can ask for.
Here are a couple of my favorites:
HT: The Ridiculant
This is the story of how I got my girlfriend a police escort to my house for a surprise Valentine’s Day dinner. I promise I won’t post anything personal again. I don’t want this blog to actually be about me (just about what I like and can write wittily about), but this story was just too good not to share. Just in case you don’t think it’s as entertaining as it was to those of us who were there, I’ll post something else later on today. Anyway…
I have a girlfriend and I love to do nice things for her. So Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity for me to do something nice and make her happy as well as make myself look good. Real good.
And that was my goal for Saturday night: do nice things and be awesome. How did I plan to achieve those goals? Three words: Kick. Food. Ass. No, my plan didn’t involve kicking my girlfriend, eating some food, and showing my ass. Only one of those three things would make her happy and make me look awesome, and I’ll let you use your imagination as to which of the three it is.
Friends, to understand my plan, you need to put those three words into one imperative sentence: “Kick food ass.”
So with that as my mission I went super shopping on Friday to buy all the ingredients for my menu. Filet mignon with balsamic glaze: check. Asparagus cooked with chardonnay: check. Spinach and cranberry salad: check. Awesome cabernet sauvignon: check. I gathered all the raw materials. And on Saturday at 4 pm with my cooking schedule in hand I began to cook the feast.
Now, I don’t cook often, but the kitchen doesn’t scare me, and for this meal I was amply prepared with every kitchen tool available, hand-written note cards with the recipes on them, and a carefully planned schedule for when everything needed to happen so that when my girlfriend got to the house at seven expecting a low-key dinner of chicken bog (an Horry County specialty, but not very high class) she would be pleasantly surprised to see a gourmet dinner served to her in front of a crackling fire in the fireplace. And everything went smoothly until the last thirty minutes.
You see, the last thirty minutes was when I had to turn on the broiler, put in a cast-iron skillet, and heat our oven to roughly 500 degrees Fahrenheit to prepare to cook the steaks. Within ten minutes of putting in the skillet it was creating smoke ex nihilo which was filling our kitchen and, apparently, our smoke detectors. I’m used to smoke detectors going off, but what scared a bit of pee out of me was when the house alarm went off sending a brain-piercing wail throughout the house. No worries, though. The house alarm people called, and I assured them there was no fire.
Back to the kitchen to put the steaks in. Fire alarm goes off again, but this time no call from the house alarm people. Good. I keep cooking. Phone rings. It’s the landlord who promptly informs me that the house alarm people just called him to say that the fire department was on its way to my house. Sure enough, a medium-sized fire truck pulls up to my house with his lights on as I hang up with my landlord. Sprint to the door, explain there’s no fire, and lead the fireman into the kitchen to prove it.
It is now 7:05 and I see lights in the driveway. “She’s here,” I think to myself as I realize that I’m shaking from being so stressed about all the alarms going off and the food not cooperating. But it was not her. At least not in the first car. The first car was the police “back-up” for the fireman. The car which followed the cop car down our driveway, however, belonged to my girlfriend.
So instead of walking in to see me looking all sexy sitting in front of a fire with a feast awaiting her, she walked in to see me looking all sweaty standing in front of a smoky oven explaining to three of my housemates why there was a fireman walking through our house.
Despite the setbacks the dinner turned out great, and we had a good time. So even with the presence of a fire truck and cop car in my driveway when my girlfriend arrived, I think it was a successful Valentine’s Day.
Earlier tonight, I read a post by my friend Art (his blog, finitum non capax infiniti, is what I look forward to the most in my feed reader…and that’s only partly because he wrote a post about why I’m his hero) in which he wrote about the frustration of dealing with idiot-jerks in blog comments who make bombastic statements and then run away when they’re confronted by something they don’t like. One of the comments on a blog he pointed out in which this was happening reminded me instantly of this gem of a speech from Corky St. Claire.
That video led to several others which eventually led me to this series of videos from an interview show hosted by Ricky Gervais. Christopher Guest is the . . . guest, and he’s one of my favorite comedians. Here’s the first video of the series. Click here to see the rest.